I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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