i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
