I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
