I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
