hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
