So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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