i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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