At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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