I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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