gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
