Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
