We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
