the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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