Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
