Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
