see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I look better un-naked...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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