Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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