She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dear god my vagina.
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