yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Farmville is her only friend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
