If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
