If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
