i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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