I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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