I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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