so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
