I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
