Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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