Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They took my balls.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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