We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
