I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
