i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
