I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
