Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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