me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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