If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
