I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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