she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
