I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
