The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
