Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
