If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
