the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize