Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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