I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
