Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
