I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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