sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Screwed.edu
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
