last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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