i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
