Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
