lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
