Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
