my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm having to shit out rocks
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
