you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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