My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
