don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
