her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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