Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
