I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
