he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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