Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
