Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
