who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
