Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
