OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
