No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
