I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
