from now on my penis is your penis
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
