he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
