Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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