Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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