I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
