You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
