So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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