I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
