I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
