my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
