Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
