Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
