Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
