i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
