We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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