I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
