can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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