Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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