My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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