I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
