cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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