"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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