you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
not ubering you a puppy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
