He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
