I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
