The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
