we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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