just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize