There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
