anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't deserve a penis
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
