Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
