this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
