you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
