Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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