dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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