Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
