She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
