Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize