Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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